To be honest, I’ve been dealing with my depression and low self esteem for a very long time. I think it all started when my father got stroke which made him unable to work. Since then, both of us has never been in good terms. Maybe because I am blaming him for all the things that he have done to us. I am blaming him for the life that we have right now and for passing all his responsibilities to me. I’ve been keeping all these sorrow for a very long time and not to mention those personal issue I am facing today. I am not considering it as a serious type of depression because I never had a point yet where I am attempting to commit suicide just to end all my problems but I tend to isolate myself to others and deal with my problems alone. I don’t have friends either or maybe I have but it seems like I already closed the door to entertain any. My life has been very playful to me and there comes a point that I am almost blaming God for everything. Good thing I have a very caring mom and a brother who always make me smile. They are my inspiration and I will do everything for them even if it means I have to sacrifice my personal life for them.
I wish I could turn back those times and correct all my mistakes but then again, past is past and there’s no way for me to go back. Someone even told me to take Counseling sessions with an expert to help me increase my self esteem and to recover from my depression completely. Right now, i feel like I’m living in a nightmare, hoping that someday someone will pull me up and help me see the light and to discover the true happiness. I wish God will use someone as his instrument to help me out in this kind of situation. Prayers has been a very powerful tool and I know He has plans for me.