I might be an active person online who used to sound very positive and enthusiastic but behind this, I am actually a loner type of guy who used to isolate myself from the others. I grew up possessing such attitude and I don’t even know why or when did it all started. I probably have an extreme form of shyness or self consciousness in a way that I prefer myself to be in a state of solitude rather than socializing. Maybe because I am thinking too much or I find it an ideal way to keep myself from being so much stressed or pressured. Depression is actually one of my major problems and I’ve been dealing with it since I was in high school. I’ve been trying to motivate myself, looking for some effective ways to get rid of my depression but for some reason, it just keep on coming back to me. Fortunately, my depression is not that worst and I never been into that suicidal point and i think i would never dare. I don’t know but I always have this feeling of inferiority and insecurity, worrying that people may judge me negatively. However, despite of being so pessimistic, I keep finding ways to motivate myself. I know the fact that no one could ever help me other than myself. I try to look forward to better things and try to face problems in a positive manner.
It is a “mind over matter” as what they say so I try to be as optimistic as I could. I even search some motivational and inspiring quotes about strength to help me overcome my weaknesses. At this point, i know that my greatest enemy is myself and I have to fight with all this negative thoughts around me as much as I can because this is the only way for me to escape from such a horrible nightmare.
I saw this very inspiring quote by George Eliot (an English Novelist) from a quotations site saying that “it is never too late to be what you might have been.” I wonder what kind of life do I have if I was able to express myself before. I wonder how people would treat me if I show them the real Milton inside me whether I’m at my worst or I’m at my best. I know God has plans for me and everything happens for a reason because I will never be here as a Blogger if I have never been a loner, right? Hopefully, i can can over this social anxiety soon but for the mean time, let me enjoy my life to the fullest by doing the things I love the most.